Brian Marick challenged me for an expression of joyful change, especially related to software development, based on the teachings of Virginia Satir. As discussed in my previous post, he’s come to associate the combination of “Virginia Satir” and “change” with pain and the following:
…blaming… …placating… …anger… …guilt… …stress… …resistance… …denying… …avoiding… …blocking… …deny… …avoid… …anxiousness… …vulnerability… …fear…
This post is, in part, to demonstrate to him that the work of Virginia Satir is not focused on the negative. Mostly it’s to share, and rejoice in, the freedom we have to reach our goals.
The Five Freedoms
The freedom to see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was, or will be.
The freedom to say what one feels and thinks, instead of what one should.
The freedom to feel what one feels, instead of what one ought.
The freedom to ask for what one wants, instead of always waiting for permission.
The freedom to take risks in one’s own behalf, instead of choosing to be only “secure” and not rocking the boat.
This passage comes from Virginia Satir’s book, Making Contact.
It is the fifth freedom on which I want to focus, for this is the freedom of joyful change. I can try new things, taking the risk that they might fail. If they do, then I own that failure. But that risk of my failure is balanced by the likelihood of my success. I weigh the balance and make my own choice.
I do not need the protection of others. I do not need someone else to make the decision and force a change on me, or deny a change from me. The choice is mine alone.
As long as failure is only a risk and not a sure thing, then there is also a chance of success. That success is also mine.
Success often does not come with the first attempt. Often we must fail a little. We may try small experiments, so as not to bet the farm on a single roll of the dice. We risk that which we can afford to lose. If we lose, we learn from it and try with this new knowledge. This is a strategy almost sure to produce success in time.
And what a sweet success that is. Success not handed to us by someone else’s choice. Success not borne of attempting the sure thing. But success achieved by our own efforts and intellect. Success that teaches us far more than any instant success.
And this success, and new knowledge, is all ours. Isn’t that a joyful thing!